I'm in love with love...

Hi everyone!!

Ok... it's been over a year since the last time I posted something on this blog. The truth is: I do not have any patience to write on a regular basis. I love writing and reading. I just hate being forced to do it. That's why I always have trouble at school... I am a procrastinator. :p

Well, you must be wondering why I'm writing this after all this time... And my answer is "I have no idea". I woke up this morning feeling like doing something different. It's raining here. It's cold... It's Sunday. What could I do?

I stared at the ceiling for a little bit... I skyped with my boyfriend... That's when I decided to post something on here. I have an amazing boyfriend. I decided to post something about him. I love to write and talk about it. Why? Because this is my life. Because this is what I think about when I wake up and when I go to sleep.

As you all probably know - if you read my last posts - I lived in the United States for two years. I gave up on a lot of things, but yet that has been the best experience of my life. I knew my life would change once I moved out of my country, even though I knew I'd be back in a year. What I didn't know was that a year wouldn't be enough and that my life would change in a way I'd never ever imagine it could change.

When I decided when to move back to my country I was single and had a lot of plans. I wanted to finish school and move to another city in Brazil. I was even thinking about getting another college degree. My life was all mine. My decisions were totally up to me. Then I met a guy...

When you know you are moving out of the country in a few months, you don't look for a boyfriend. You have fun. You meet new people. You even hang out with one or another guy, but you don't decide to be in a relationship. It's painful to say good bye when you really like someone and you just have to go. So I was just having fun. Meeting people, having great times with my girlfriends, making plans for my new life in Brazil. No guys were included in my plans. Then I met this guy...

I met this guy who happened to be kinda boring when I first met him. I was not feeling the vibe. I had no interest in meeting guys at all. But we talked for a little bit. That was it. All I knew was his name, but I didn't really care. We saw each other again... but we didn't even say hi. A few weeks later we happened to be at the same bar we met the first time. I don't know why, but this time was different. He was so much more interesting than I thought! We had a lot of fun together. I gave him my phone number - but I still had no interest in hanging out.

We started texting... as I said, he was so much more interesting than I thought. It turns out he was actually not boring at all and such a nice guy! But that did not change the fact that I was leaving the country in a few months and my life would change as soon as I got on the airplane. We could still text each other, but nothing more than that.

One day I was walking around the mall and decided to take a look at a book store. I saw a book that said "Love comes for distracted people". I started thinking about that... I was already back to my country for less than a month. Everything was still "new", scary, exciting... all at the same time. But love... love wasn't new... but still scary and exciting at the same time. I started thinking about all the story I'm writing right now. "Love comes for distracted people". Why is that so true? How do you decide you are not gonna fall in love and then suddenly you are in love with someone?

We started hanging out on a regular basis... a few times a week. Texting every day, all the time. Phone calls... dates... I felt really good when we were together. But I was leaving in a few months. Before I could even think about it, we were seeing each other every single day. My day was not complete if we didn't have the chance to hang out. Many times we hung out at 2am just because we were busy, but 2am was totally fine for us... We just wanted to see each other. Spend some time together. What do you call that? Love, maybe?!

It took me a while to realize I was falling in love with that guy. It took me a while to notice that I liked him so much that I would change all my plans just to spend some time with him. It took me a while to realize that we were heading to a relationship, even though I was leaving the country very very very soon... I just felt so good. He was always the best part of my day. Of course I was confused and scared, but being with him was all that mattered at the time. As we got to know each other and have amazing adventures together, the day I was gonna leave was getting closer and closer each day.

I heard so many times "What are you guys gonna do now?". I had no idea! I had no idea because it was not just up to me... it was up to him too. It was up to us. In my mind, that was just a great time with this amazing guy, but once I got on the airplane, that would be over. I was so wrong.

You know when you can't remember how your life was before you met someone? That's exactly how I feel. I cannot remember how my life was before I met this guy, who I can call my boyfriend now. I cannot remember how my life was before I met the person I wanna spend the rest of my life with.

He asked me out... Yes, he did!! I couldn't believe it. Why not? Because I was leaving the country in 25 days. We were so close to each other, but I still thought we were not going anywhere with that. I was pretty sure I liked him and that I would want to be in a relationship with him, but I knew I couldn't make that decision myself... After he asked me out I was sure he liked me and that we could make it... That's when we decided we would try to make this relationship work even with the distance. That's when I realized my entire life would change and my plans had already changed right there, when I said yes. That's when I realized I would do anything to be with him. Why? Because I simply love him.

My plans have changed... I do not want another college degree anymore. I do not want to move to another city. I wanna finish my school. I wanna move back to the place I can now call HOME. Home because home is where your heart is.. And my heart is currently in the United States. My heart is with the guy that was so boring and now is my only one.

Love comes for distracted people. Love comes when you don't want it to come. Love comes when you need it. Love comes when you decide you don't need it. And love changes your life. 

I'm in love and I love it.

Maria.

Ps: The book I saw at the book store is called "Não se apega, não" by Isabela Freitas. The original phrase is "O amor vem para os distraídos.".